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Survival Tips for Families
Tip #1: Don't ask if they are
homesick
The power of suggestion can be a dangerous thing. A friend once told me.
"The idea of being homesick didn't even occur to me, with all the new things
that were going on, until my called one of the first weekends and asked, 'Are
you homesick?' Then it hit me." The first few days and weeks of school are
packed with activities and friends, and the challenge of meeting new people and
adjusting to new situations takes a majority of a freshman's times and
concentration. So, unless they're reminded of it (by a well-meaning parent),
they'll probably be able to escape the loneliness and frustration of
homesickness. Even if they don't tell you during those first few weeks, they do
miss you.
Tip #2: Write (even if they don't write back)
Although are typically eager to experience all the away-from-home
independence they can fit in those first few weeks, most are still anxious for
family ties and the security they bring. Sensitive parents may misinterpret
this surge of independence as rejection, but I'd bet that most freshman (about
99% won't ever admit it) would give anything for some news of home and family,
however mundane it may seem to you. There's nothing more depressing than a week
of empty mailboxes.
Tip #3: Ask questions (but not too many)
College freshman are "cool" (or so they think) and have tendency to resent
interference with their newfound lifestyle, but most still desire the security
of knowing that someone is interested in them. Parental curiosity can be
obnoxious and alienating or relief-giving and supporting, depending on the
attitudes of the persons involved. "I-have-a-right-to-know" tinged questions
with ulterior motives should be avoided; however, honest inquiries and other
"between-friends" communication and discussion will do much to further the
parent-freshman relationship.
Tip #4: Expect Change (but not too much)
Your son or daughter will change (either drastically in the first few
months, slowly over the four years, or somewhere in between that place). It's
natural, inevitable, and it can be inspiring, and beautiful. Often, though,
it's a pain in the neck. College, and the experiences associate with it, can
effect changes in social, vocational, and personal behavior and choices. An
up-to-now-wallflower may become a fraternity sweetheart; a pre-med student may
discover biology is not his or her thing; or a high school radical may become a
college egghead. You can't stop change, you may not ever understand it, but it
is within your power to accept it. Remember that your freshman will be
basically the same person you sent away to school, aside from a few interest and
personally revisions. Maturation is not an instantaneous or overnight process,
and you might well discover your freshman returning home with some of the habits
and hang-ups, however unsophisticated, that you thought he or she had out
grown. Be patient.
Tip #5: Don't worry (too much) about depressing phone calls and letters
Parenting can be a thankless job, especially during the college years. It's
a lot of give and only a little take. Often when troubles become too much for a
freshman to handle (a flunked test, ended relationship, and a shrunken t-shirt
all in one day), the only place to turn, write, or dial is home. Often,
unfortunately, this is the only time when the urge to communicate is felt so
strongly, so you never get to hear about the "A" paper, the new girlfriend or
boyfriend, or the domestic triumph. In these "crisis" times, your son or
daughter can unload trouble or tears, and after the catharsis return to routine,
relieved and lightened, while you inherit the burden of worry. Be patient with
these nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-this-place phone calls or letters. You're
providing a real services as an advice dispenser, sympathetic ear, or punching
bag. Granted, it's a service that makes you feel lousy, but it works wonders
for a frustrated student. As we said before, parenting can be a thankless job.
Tip #6: Visit (but not too often)
Visits by parents (especially when accomplished by shopping sprees and/or
dinners out) are another part of the first-year events that a freshman are
reluctant to admit liking but appreciate greatly. A pretended disgust of those
visits is just another part of the first-year syndrome. These visits give the
student a chance to introduce some of the important people in both of his or her
worlds to each other. In addition, it's a way for parents to become familiar
with (and I hope more understanding of) their student's new activities,
commitments, and friends.
Tip #7: Do not tell your student, "These are the best years of your life."
The freshman year can be full of indecision, insecurities, disappointments,
and, most of all, mistakes. They're also full of discovery, inspiration, good
times, and people. Except in retrospect, it's not the good that stands out. It
takes a while for students to accept that being unhappy, afraid, or confused;
disliking people; and making mistakes are all part of the show -- all part of
this new reality, all part of growing up. It takes a while for parents to
accept it. Any parent who believes all college students get good grades, know
what they want to major in, always have activity-packed weekends, have thousands
of close friends, and lead carefree lives is wrong.
Tip #8: Trust Them
Finding oneself is a difficult enough process without feeling that you the
people whose opinions you respect the most are second-guessing you.
Reprinted with permission from the Orientation Directors Manual,
published by the National Orientation Directors Association.
Survival Tips for Siblings
Things to consider
Prepare younger siblings before the student leaves
home.
*Tell younger siblings about when things are going to happen
*Provide them with a calendar so they can see how much time they have and
when their sibling may be returning home
*Make time for younger siblings to spend time with the student
Create a visual memory. Sit down with siblings and
show them some of the various publications that you and your student received
from Mason.
*Show them pictures and what a
college campus looks like
*Visit the university's website
If siblings are younger and have a show and tell, encourage them to bring
something in to share about their older sibling.
For older siblings, try to plan visits for
them to spend time with their sibling at Mason.
Encourage your student to share with his or
her siblings if they are going through tough times. This will help the younger
sibling at home to not feel the stress of being perfect. Encourage younger and
older siblings to talk with the student as well.
Have the siblings participate in getting the student ready for the transition to
college (for example, have them make decorative photo frames and family picture
collages).
Ways to keep in touch
*Keep preaddressed postcards on hand
*Create stationary with preaddressed and stamped envelopes so siblings
can communicate
*Give siblings special phone cards so they can call the student anytime
*Let them use e-mail and personalized web sites
*Let them communicate with Instant Messenger or similar avenues
Twins
*Encourage them to act on their intuition when they are thinking about
each other
*Give them something identical and special to hold onto
*Encourage them to have something that is personal to only them and have
them hold onto it while they are away from each other
*Encourage them to keep in touch
Special Touches
*Give something (even if it's small) that both siblings can have:
-framed picture of family or just siblings
-items that are handmade (ex: quilts, pictures, t-shirts)
-jewelry
-some novelty that is special to both siblings
-books
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To Contact Us:
George Mason University
Orientation
Student Union Building 1
Room 349
4400 University Dr, MS 5G2
Fairfax, VA 22030
Phone: 703-993-2475
Fax: 703-993-3966
AOL Screenname: gotmason
Email: families@gmu.edu
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